WHAT IS THE POINT!?

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort."

So lately, I've been unbelievably busy. Late nights, not sleeping, trying to get all these things that need to be done. But what are these things that need to be done, and what/who am I doing them for? Am I doing them for the betterment of myself? What is the purpose? Me staying up cramming information for a test, is not educating myself; its simply a push to get an A. And why do I feel like I need this A? Because I have to 'make it' in the world, and I cant do that without A's? That's an awful and limiting mindset. I have come to school to learn, and quite frankly I feel like I have been doing a poor job at doing so. And all of these activities I am involved in, what can I give so that I can in turn take away something valuable and say that it was worth while spending my time on this? I want to make good use of each minute of my day. I would like to have more time to spend and talk with my family and friends. I would like a significant other. Which also reminds me of how I go about doing so. I dont even have time to go out and do things I like and in turn meet someone with similar interests. Am I looking for this person to make me happy or add to my happiness? The answer to that right now is that it cant be adding because I do not believe I am truly happy. Not that there is necessarily something wrong, but I do not feel fulfilled or invigorated by my day to day activities. I feel as if I am going through the motions. Also, how can you be too busy for love? That is just awful.

I refuse to let this life be the death of me. All this energy I am expending, I want it to be towards a purpose that I can end the day saying, I am glad I did all of those things.

"Life isnt about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Look. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY. And I know that I am in charge of that. I have got to find a way to break out of this box of madness and step into the light!! But how can I just erase all thats going on and start now. I cant. I cant just quit school. I cant just denounce all of my activities, people depend on me. But is this the limiting mentality that is keeping me here? Who says I cant leave school? Who says I cant denounce my activities? Is it selfish or is it looking out for self?

So many questions....and the possibilities are endless.