I shall lead you on and on into whichever way I would have you journey and you need take no anxious thought as to the journey's end.
- Eva Bell Werber, The Voice of the Master
When you are aware that you're on a spiritual journey, that your path on this journey is uniquely yours, you'll be able to recognize when the path is wide and easy to follow or when it is narrow and not so easy. The path behind you was all the experiences that brought you to where you are now. The path that lies before you will be all your experiences that are still to come.
How do you recognize when your spiritual path narrows? It shows up by something wanting to catch your attention. You feel like you've had a disconnect on a project, or you're not sure about something happening at work, or maybe a relationship needs more attention than usual. We all have times when we don't know what to do. A lot of people get confused and jump to worrying because they think something is wrong, or they feel anxiety because they feel out of control. Then there re those who realize something is up, and begin listening more attentively from within.
Have you ever forged a path through a wooded area or up a mountain? Sometimes the path gets so narrow, it's hard to locate. It demands more of your attention than normal. When you come to a place where you think you've lost the path and can't find it, worrying doesn't do anything but make you feel more lost. What I suggest is to stop, center yourself and simply wait. At some point your path will reappear and you'll know where to go. Let me reassure you that there is no worry when your path narrows. A narrowing path is nothing more than a focused opportunity.
What's being called forth in you is to be more focused and single minded. Be brave and travel on!
- Rev. Micheal Torphy
I journey forward on my spiritual path with the utmost confidence that I will known when to move and when to be still, when to act and when to listen.
Wednesday, December 30 2009 Innervisions
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tavis Smiley . Shows . Mary J. Blige . December 21, 2009 PBS:
"Tavis: Why have you been, why are you so hard on yourself? I'm the same way. I've been trying to figure that out for myself, so here I am asking you, like I got a whole lot of nerve, but why are you so hard on yourself?
Blige: Well, I guess for years you just think that if you're not hard on yourself, you're doing something wrong. If you're not - if you're happy for - if you're happy then you're a little weird about being happy. Once you get to that place where you're like, gosh, I'm really happy, something happens where you're like, why?
That's that comfortable place, that dark place that's comfortable, and I'm continuously trying to unravel out of that place because it's easy to just sink back, especially when you think you're being betrayed or betrayal kicks in or someone comes along as a human being and hurts you. It's easy to slip back into that place of man, whatever. So that's basically it, but for the most part I'm doing well. I've made progress, but I have to learn how to get up quicker. I've learned how to get up quicker than I used to. I used to lay there for months and years. But now I'm just laying there for a week (laughter) when there's no more time.
Tavis: We've got to cut this down to days now, huh?
Blige: Right, I got to cut this down to days and maybe hours now, because it's getting harder to lay there. Everything around you is just going and going and going and people are passing you by, and you're down there like (makes noise). So it is - yeah."
There is a lot of good stuff from this transcript, check it out! Mary has some good things to say!
"Tavis: Why have you been, why are you so hard on yourself? I'm the same way. I've been trying to figure that out for myself, so here I am asking you, like I got a whole lot of nerve, but why are you so hard on yourself?
Blige: Well, I guess for years you just think that if you're not hard on yourself, you're doing something wrong. If you're not - if you're happy for - if you're happy then you're a little weird about being happy. Once you get to that place where you're like, gosh, I'm really happy, something happens where you're like, why?
That's that comfortable place, that dark place that's comfortable, and I'm continuously trying to unravel out of that place because it's easy to just sink back, especially when you think you're being betrayed or betrayal kicks in or someone comes along as a human being and hurts you. It's easy to slip back into that place of man, whatever. So that's basically it, but for the most part I'm doing well. I've made progress, but I have to learn how to get up quicker. I've learned how to get up quicker than I used to. I used to lay there for months and years. But now I'm just laying there for a week (laughter) when there's no more time.
Tavis: We've got to cut this down to days now, huh?
Blige: Right, I got to cut this down to days and maybe hours now, because it's getting harder to lay there. Everything around you is just going and going and going and people are passing you by, and you're down there like (makes noise). So it is - yeah."
There is a lot of good stuff from this transcript, check it out! Mary has some good things to say!
Tavis Smiley . Shows . Mary J. Blige . December 21, 2009 PBS:
"Blige: I really couldn't. When I look at myself it's really hard not to see all the work that still needs to be done. I don't pick myself to pieces, but I definitely see all the things that still need work. That's the significance behind the title. 'Stronger with Each Tear,' because even now the trials that come are the trials that come to show you that you haven't learned a certain lesson - the lesson of forgiveness, the lesson of even more self-love. In those trials is where we cry the most and we hurt the most because we feel like we've been knocked off our square, and when we come out, we come out stronger. At least I do. But you have to learn the lesson in order to come out stronger. For a woman like me, who's constantly out there trying to continue to better myself and progress in a spiritual sense to have a better life, it's hard. It's really hard. It's hard because I'm hard on myself, but what I've learned is not to be so hard on myself."
"Blige: I really couldn't. When I look at myself it's really hard not to see all the work that still needs to be done. I don't pick myself to pieces, but I definitely see all the things that still need work. That's the significance behind the title. 'Stronger with Each Tear,' because even now the trials that come are the trials that come to show you that you haven't learned a certain lesson - the lesson of forgiveness, the lesson of even more self-love. In those trials is where we cry the most and we hurt the most because we feel like we've been knocked off our square, and when we come out, we come out stronger. At least I do. But you have to learn the lesson in order to come out stronger. For a woman like me, who's constantly out there trying to continue to better myself and progress in a spiritual sense to have a better life, it's hard. It's really hard. It's hard because I'm hard on myself, but what I've learned is not to be so hard on myself."
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
"Q: I want a man with a career who's financially stable, goal-oriented and churchgoing. And I don't want someone who has small children, baby mama drama or a drug habit. Are those unrealistic standards? Because I'm having a hard time finding this guy.
A: Girl, you just described what every single woman (plus one in ten dudes) is looking for. Your standards are not so far-fetched if you're willing to date young. Top universities crank out these guys every year. But also take a look at Mr. Almost Perfect. Maybe he's financiallly solid, but his baby mama drama is only okay for now beacuse she hasn't been released from prison yet. All jokes aside; if he's honest, compassionate and drug-free, don't overlook him. Loving each other's imperfections is what makes a relationship special. Plus, Mr. Almost Perfect may be more down-to-earth with all those chinks in his armor - and his love will be just as good. "
...Interesting.
from Essence November 2009 Issue. Finesse Relationship Column.
A: Girl, you just described what every single woman (plus one in ten dudes) is looking for. Your standards are not so far-fetched if you're willing to date young. Top universities crank out these guys every year. But also take a look at Mr. Almost Perfect. Maybe he's financiallly solid, but his baby mama drama is only okay for now beacuse she hasn't been released from prison yet. All jokes aside; if he's honest, compassionate and drug-free, don't overlook him. Loving each other's imperfections is what makes a relationship special. Plus, Mr. Almost Perfect may be more down-to-earth with all those chinks in his armor - and his love will be just as good. "
...Interesting.
from Essence November 2009 Issue. Finesse Relationship Column.
"On the twentieth anniversary of my engagement I did a self-assessment, and I've come to a realization: My trepidation has saved me from failing at marriage, but it has also stopped me from being successful at it. Just because I fear matrimony doesn't mean my fears have to come true. I've decided to fight for the opportunity to love someone. This decision didn't come about because tying the knot is what I'm supposed to do, or because I'm lonely. (I am.) But I know now that the people who enjoy long, loving unions can't tell the future any better than couples whose relationships have failed. Like a wiser, older married man told me, "Marriage is a leap of faith. All of life is."
I've decided I will no longer look at marriage with fear but with hope. I can never plan to live happily ever after if I am too afraid to walk down the aisle."
- RM Johnson, author of Why Men Fear Marriage; excerpt from Essence Magazine article The Marrying Kind November 2009
ps. I like this a lot because I feel like it can be applied to many things in life, not just marriage. But, it really hits home for that too.
I've decided I will no longer look at marriage with fear but with hope. I can never plan to live happily ever after if I am too afraid to walk down the aisle."
- RM Johnson, author of Why Men Fear Marriage; excerpt from Essence Magazine article The Marrying Kind November 2009
ps. I like this a lot because I feel like it can be applied to many things in life, not just marriage. But, it really hits home for that too.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
It's the Holidays!
A nice little christmas music playlist on YouTube! featuring some of my fave's by Mariah and Boyz II Men, etc.
Listen here!
Listen here!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
facebook theory
It's not that Facebook ruins relationships. Its that people don't know how to use it. It gives access to more history than people have previously ever had access to. Merely thinking of an old lover has very different implications than being able to find them and talk to them. If you go ahead, dig up that past and revisit it and it blows up in your face, you should just agree to accept it and work from there. Before you go peepin, remember all the times, not just the good times. When you're searching for something, you will find a way to find what you're looking for. And if you're running onto the page of your old lover to escape a current situation or fall back into the bliss that used to be, you probably wont be receptive to the whole truth of the situation. After all, they said curiosity killed the cat, and hindsight is always 20/20.....
move girl move
today somebody told me to enjoy the confusion and uncertainty of life. It might be the hardest thing ever. I feel out of control with no place to go. I am questioning everything. I need to get out of my head and carpe diem! I'm clearly in my own way.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
"Marrying someone you aren't crazy about only to secure the financial and domestic conveniences of wedlock is as stale and trite as day-old Doritos. Settling represents a failure of both imagination and confidence. It marks an essential disregard for others and for ourselves: for the capacity to love, to give, to inspire. It's difficult enough to make a marriage last. If we cannot so much as drum up enthusiasm in the beginning-if we lack even the memory of a full-blooded passion to sustain us through times of trial-then we are frail indeed. By settling, we exploit others, and we impoverish ourselves.' -- Cristina Nehring, author of 'A Vindication of Love: Reclaiming Romance for the Twenty-First Century"
Glamour Survey
Glamour Survey
40 Things Every Woman Should Do Before She Turns 40 | The Frisky
Well, happy day for me! I have a good 20 years to go, and have accomplished some key things on the list, esp #9, and clearly #18, altho I wonder if it should further clarify by saying, 'and actually post regularly.' I'd say I'm about a quarter of the way there, which is a good place to be considering that some of these things are clearly suited for those years that inch closer to 40 *ahem, marriage.*
1. Write a novel.
2. Stop feeling guilty.
3. Change a diaper.
4. Have an affair.
5. Forgive.
6. Stand on your head.
7. Fall in love.
8. Get your heart broken.
9. Go to Paris.
10. Buy a car.
11. Buy incredibly expensive lingerie.
12. Buy a sex toy.
13. Get a president elected.
14. Learn how to ride a horse.
15. Try anal sex.
16. Stop trying to figure out if you’re a feminist or not.
17. Have a baby.
18. Start a blog.
19. Experience umami, try uni, and embrace wabi-sabi.
20. Drive over 100 mph.
21. Give ‘til it hurts.
22. Earn a degree.
23. Lose someone close to you.
24. Be scared s**tless and do it anyway.
25. Accept the ravages of gravity.
26. Get a Rolex.
27. Lose it.
28. Scream at the top of your lungs.
29. Quit a job you hate.
30. Start a job you love.
31. Get married.
32. Get divorced.
33. Travel alone.
34. Visit three continents not including your own.
35. Balance a checkbook.
36. Get custom fitted for a bra.
37. Give up on thongs.
38. Get diagnosed; survive.
39. Lose it all.
40. Win everything back.
1. Write a novel.
2. Stop feeling guilty.
3. Change a diaper.
4. Have an affair.
5. Forgive.
6. Stand on your head.
7. Fall in love.
8. Get your heart broken.
9. Go to Paris.
10. Buy a car.
11. Buy incredibly expensive lingerie.
12. Buy a sex toy.
13. Get a president elected.
14. Learn how to ride a horse.
15. Try anal sex.
16. Stop trying to figure out if you’re a feminist or not.
17. Have a baby.
18. Start a blog.
19. Experience umami, try uni, and embrace wabi-sabi.
20. Drive over 100 mph.
21. Give ‘til it hurts.
22. Earn a degree.
23. Lose someone close to you.
24. Be scared s**tless and do it anyway.
25. Accept the ravages of gravity.
26. Get a Rolex.
27. Lose it.
28. Scream at the top of your lungs.
29. Quit a job you hate.
30. Start a job you love.
31. Get married.
32. Get divorced.
33. Travel alone.
34. Visit three continents not including your own.
35. Balance a checkbook.
36. Get custom fitted for a bra.
37. Give up on thongs.
38. Get diagnosed; survive.
39. Lose it all.
40. Win everything back.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
well, this is nice.
"' Love isn’t material. It’s energy. It’s the feeling in a room, a situation, a person.
Money can’t buy it. Sex doesn’t guarantee it.
It has nothing at all to do with the physical world, but it can be expressed nonetheless.
We experience it as kindness, giving, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgement, joining, and intimacy.
Oh baby, something about you is so damn addictive.'"
from a blog I found today. i wonder if she wrote it, or where it is from.
Money can’t buy it. Sex doesn’t guarantee it.
It has nothing at all to do with the physical world, but it can be expressed nonetheless.
We experience it as kindness, giving, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgement, joining, and intimacy.
Oh baby, something about you is so damn addictive.'"
from a blog I found today. i wonder if she wrote it, or where it is from.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
today, a friend of mine asked me, 'whats for fun in Paris?'
...and i reply
"fun in paris is just f***in walking down the street. for me, like, everything is just so beautiful here. and im obsessed with goin to gardens, which they are a lot of. and eating chocolate that melts in my mouth. and seeing the Eiffel tower at night lighting up while walking around looking at the city. like even the cobble stone is beautiful and i walk thru the Luxembourg gardens everyday on the way to school. and i am obsessed with Versailles."
although my chat response is not particularly eloquent, these words somehow still reflect the beauty I see everyday as I walk around. Somehow, the cobblestone, even as it makes my walking un-steady, puts a smile on my face. From the highest balcony, to the pigeon with the beautiful turquoise spots upon its neck , I enjoy these streets. (For those of you who know me well, let's not fall out of our chairs that I just spoke so highly of a bird that is not a peacock.)
And the gardens, oh the gardens! Sweet joy really does overcome me as I sit in between the hedges and read for class.
alas, my rantings about this place are keeping me from the reason why I am in this city in the first place: my studies. So...
...and i reply
"fun in paris is just f***in walking down the street. for me, like, everything is just so beautiful here. and im obsessed with goin to gardens, which they are a lot of. and eating chocolate that melts in my mouth. and seeing the Eiffel tower at night lighting up while walking around looking at the city. like even the cobble stone is beautiful and i walk thru the Luxembourg gardens everyday on the way to school. and i am obsessed with Versailles."
although my chat response is not particularly eloquent, these words somehow still reflect the beauty I see everyday as I walk around. Somehow, the cobblestone, even as it makes my walking un-steady, puts a smile on my face. From the highest balcony, to the pigeon with the beautiful turquoise spots upon its neck , I enjoy these streets. (For those of you who know me well, let's not fall out of our chairs that I just spoke so highly of a bird that is not a peacock.)
And the gardens, oh the gardens! Sweet joy really does overcome me as I sit in between the hedges and read for class.
alas, my rantings about this place are keeping me from the reason why I am in this city in the first place: my studies. So...
The End.
...welcome
toosweet822 (11:17:53 AM): please leave your pessimism at the door
This used to be my away message.
God willing that I remember, it will be the doormat to my first home. Or maybe even to my dorm room spring semester....
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
“ I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts and of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then. „
The Hours
The Hours
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Getting a Grip
“Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.”
Causes are complex and have different time scales. The efforts of the individual are not the sole determining factor in the individual's condition in life, becasue everyone is part of the nexus of society and nature and the continuum of time. It is common for people to attribute causes wrongly becasue of misperception of real realtionships.
Every cause is the effect of something else, and every effect is the cause of something else. What may seem a curse may be a blessing, and what may seem a blessing may be a curse. Hardship is a blessing when it spurs effort and development; ease is a curse when it increases complacency and self-indulgence.
- Muso Kokushi
This is really real in my life today. Spoke with the woman at financial aid and she said they have NONE of my paperwork (which we sent in a long time ago). So, typically, I start freaking out and assuming the worst, and being rude to the lady. Then I had to calm myself down because I was having such a peaceful beautiful morning already and I didn't want it to go away. I said to myself, well, whats the worst that can happen? I dont go to Paris, or I dont go back to GW. Taking a semester/year off wouldnt be the worst, seeing as I really have no idea what I'm really interested in. [Even though most people graduate with degrees they never use, I feel bad and I want to get the most out of college and sometimes I feel like I wont, as I have not a solid idea about what I would like to study]. If I dont have enough aid, maybe thats what the time was meant for. There is a lot I want to explore. Paris isnt going anywhere. Neither is GW or my ability to graduate college. Not saying that I'm really trying to put it off forever, but its not the end of the world.
has the world ended? does the world go on? is the world over?
NO! YES! NO!
so stop acting like it...!!!!
Causes are complex and have different time scales. The efforts of the individual are not the sole determining factor in the individual's condition in life, becasue everyone is part of the nexus of society and nature and the continuum of time. It is common for people to attribute causes wrongly becasue of misperception of real realtionships.
Every cause is the effect of something else, and every effect is the cause of something else. What may seem a curse may be a blessing, and what may seem a blessing may be a curse. Hardship is a blessing when it spurs effort and development; ease is a curse when it increases complacency and self-indulgence.
- Muso Kokushi
This is really real in my life today. Spoke with the woman at financial aid and she said they have NONE of my paperwork (which we sent in a long time ago). So, typically, I start freaking out and assuming the worst, and being rude to the lady. Then I had to calm myself down because I was having such a peaceful beautiful morning already and I didn't want it to go away. I said to myself, well, whats the worst that can happen? I dont go to Paris, or I dont go back to GW. Taking a semester/year off wouldnt be the worst, seeing as I really have no idea what I'm really interested in. [Even though most people graduate with degrees they never use, I feel bad and I want to get the most out of college and sometimes I feel like I wont, as I have not a solid idea about what I would like to study]. If I dont have enough aid, maybe thats what the time was meant for. There is a lot I want to explore. Paris isnt going anywhere. Neither is GW or my ability to graduate college. Not saying that I'm really trying to put it off forever, but its not the end of the world.
has the world ended? does the world go on? is the world over?
NO! YES! NO!
so stop acting like it...!!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Re:New
When I first started this blog, I didnt know what I wanted to do with it. And if you scroll done, you can see that I haven't really done much, ha.That being said, I didnt know what to call it. But, now, I am going to make an effort to be more consistent. Sometimes I have things to say, other times I want to share what others have said. But it's all about the exchange of words and ideas (and maybe some pictures!). In these sharing of words, I hope that it might make you think a little bit, or stir something inside of you. So let's ring in the change!!
out with the old: Well, call it, My Blog. For Now.
in with the new: il.lu.mi.nate
I must add that it is also fitting that I am changing the title, going out with the old and in with the new, etc. at this time in my life. I have learned a lot about myself this summer, and have made some decisions about what kind of life I want to live. And I'm going to be making some changes, because I was living the definition of insanity: doing the same things over and over, expecting different results(Einstein). smh.
Well, here I go!
Main Entry:
1il·lu·mi·nate
Pronunciation:
\i-ˈlü-mə-nət\
Function:
adjective
Date:
15th century
1archaic : brightened with light
2archaic : intellectually or spiritually enlightened
out with the old: Well, call it, My Blog. For Now.
in with the new: il.lu.mi.nate
I must add that it is also fitting that I am changing the title, going out with the old and in with the new, etc. at this time in my life. I have learned a lot about myself this summer, and have made some decisions about what kind of life I want to live. And I'm going to be making some changes, because I was living the definition of insanity: doing the same things over and over, expecting different results(Einstein). smh.
Well, here I go!
Main Entry:
1il·lu·mi·nate
Pronunciation:
\i-ˈlü-mə-nət\
Function:
adjective
Date:
15th century
1archaic : brightened with light
2archaic : intellectually or spiritually enlightened
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I'm not really feelin....
- Main Entry:
- 1stress
- Pronunciation:
- \ˈstres\
- Function:
- noun
- Etymology:
- Middle English stresse stress, distress, short for destresse — more at distress
- Date:
- 14th century
1: constraining force or influence: as: a state resulting from a stress ; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium stress> e: strain, pressurestress to the point of collapse — Joseph Shoben> 2: emphasis, weight stress on a point> 3archaic : intense effort or exertion
What the heck are we always 'stressed' for? Because we have a lot of homework due, because we can't pay this and that bill, because we are sick? Yes things may be urgent, and we might feel we do not have enough time, money or whatever resources to combat the issue, but really, stressing out is not going to help anything. It can only slow you down from moving over this hurdle, taking up time and energy sitting around thinking about how stressed you are instead of doing something about the issue, or cause you more suffering if you stress out to an extreme extent. To clarify on the sick point, I am by no means saying that one does not feel something when they or a loved one is not doing well physically. But lets think about this, all the idea of stress is is negative energy and it will do nothing to help you or anyone else heal. And if you are stressed over something that is out of your immediate control , well then what the hay! It's been out of your control from the beginning, and being stressed about it isn't going to give you control over it.
The bottom line is, I do not see how stress is at all beneficial. It's like another problem on top of the seeming problem that is causing you that stress. HOW SILLY!
Yeah, I may be having a bad day, but me sitting down and thinking in my head about how stressed I am isn't going to solve my problems, its not going to pay my bills, its not going to make me feel better, its not going to finish my homework. What needs to happen is that I identify that there is some sort of issue that needs to be fixed, and do my best to work towards fixing that with a positive attitude and energy surrounding these efforts.
And so, taking my own advice, after many tears, I am getting it together, and taking my own advice/opinion.
Good luck to me!
....for those of you who are currently "stressed" and reading this, if you feel the idea of stress is useful to you, then hey, do what you do. I wish you the best of luck in resolving the stress factors in your life!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
What beautiful words...
Someone who will put up with the things
Loving me can bring
But still be there to see us through
Someone who would put up
With the strange and complicated things
Cause I would do the same for her too
Someone who I can be real with
Aint gotta be perfect
Because loving one another is all that matters
It's not hard to explain
So believe me when I say
That I found all of that in you
All that I hope for a friendship that's so pure
A girl I can talk to bout whatever is on my heart
A woman that needs me
That trust and believes me
That wont take my kindness as some kind of weakness
A woman who bares her soul who is willing to let go
That wants me to lead her but knows how to take control
And when I am feeling down
Cause things are going wrong
She fills me up and makes me feel strong
You are that someone who loves me
Through all my inperfections
You know my heart is filled with nothing but good intentions
You are the one that told me
Long as we got us
Nothing matters
You are the one that sees the joy through the pain
You are my light through the rain
Here and now
Girl I am saying
It's you
You're my heart
It's you
Your that someone I can truly say that I'll never find another love like you
(Musiq Soulchild - Someone - Onmyradio)
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Something to remember..
Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings.
mmm. nothing further your honor.
mmm. nothing further your honor.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
That is all....
How can I hear what you say, when what you do thunders in my ears?
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Monday, February 16, 2009
A little music therapy...
So, I'm not having the best of evenings...
and I've been trying different things to lift my spirits.
I dont know about you, but music really moves me. So I lit some Nag Champa, went through my iTunes, found some good tunes to listen to, laid in my comfy bed and sang my little non singing self away.
Then, I talked to my mom on the phone, and was sharing with her about the current state of my life, and we somehow got on the topic of the new India.Arie CD. Now, let me just let you know, that India.Arie is at the tippytop of my list. I love all of her CD's and they always get me feeling something. So immediately, I tuned in.
All I can say is...thank you India.Arie.
Currently on Repeat: Long Goodbye
(the first 45 seconds of this song really just do it for me. But then she goes on to floor me with such real and beautiful lyrics -- 'ill take passion over pride,' 'and maybe i can learn to fall for someone who can give me all the things im not afraid to lose.' Sigh. Although this is not particularly the most happy song, I find it to be very Beautiful, and it makes me very happy to listen to it.)
and I've been trying different things to lift my spirits.
I dont know about you, but music really moves me. So I lit some Nag Champa, went through my iTunes, found some good tunes to listen to, laid in my comfy bed and sang my little non singing self away.
Then, I talked to my mom on the phone, and was sharing with her about the current state of my life, and we somehow got on the topic of the new India.Arie CD. Now, let me just let you know, that India.Arie is at the tippytop of my list. I love all of her CD's and they always get me feeling something. So immediately, I tuned in.
All I can say is...thank you India.Arie.
Currently on Repeat: Long Goodbye
(the first 45 seconds of this song really just do it for me. But then she goes on to floor me with such real and beautiful lyrics -- 'ill take passion over pride,' 'and maybe i can learn to fall for someone who can give me all the things im not afraid to lose.' Sigh. Although this is not particularly the most happy song, I find it to be very Beautiful, and it makes me very happy to listen to it.)
Sunday, February 15, 2009
<3 post secret
hahahahaha. fanFREAKINGtastic
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(I wanted so badly for it to work out between us. I believe in miracles.)I too,believe in miracles...
I just dont have time to sit around and passively wait for them to occur
so
in the mean time
i will live.
:)
ps. please go to postsecret.blogspot.com. It makes me happy. Let it make you happy too!
pps. Post soon coming about my other favorite, most HILARIOUS website everrrrrrr.
Monday, January 12, 2009
some fun from class....
so im in this fiction workshop class (very excited about it!) and it was our first day today. we did a little exercise, and these were the directions: we had to read this poem, and then do a "phonic translation" - we had to write what we thought each individual word sounded like....
here it goes:
och visst finns det tid
att undra: "Skall jag vaga? skall jag vaga?"
tid att ga uppfor trappan, tid att atertaga:
mitt pa min skult en nytand manes laga -
(folk sager: "vad hans har har fallit av!")
Jackettens snitt, nin mycket hoga krages skav,
kravatt och nal, allt rikt och enkelt efter smakens krav
(folk sager: "men vad han har fallit av!")
skall jag vaga
ofreda universum?
gott om tid, pa en minut,
for de beslut och mothbeslut som en minut skall stryka
ty jag har kant dem alla, redan, kant de alla,
kant alla kvallar, morgnar - aftnar med,
jag har matt ut mitt liv med kaffesked,
jag kanner rosterna nar doende de falla
mot bakgrund av musiken genom dorrar vilka glanta.
vad kan wal jag forvanta?
och jag har kant dem alal, kant dem redan
hawk fist fins debt bit
at tundra: "shall ya gaga? shall ya gaga?"
bit at your up-for trapped in, bit at an air god:
meet pod mean shuck in Thailand manes lack of -
(folk sanger: "what hands are her phallic of!)
Jack attends knit, mean my kit hoagie Craig's sky
grab it hawk null, ough wit hawk in kelp after smacking crass
(folk sanger: "men had on her phallic of!"
shall ya gaga
of freedom universe some?
got em tied, pause one minute,
for the best slut hawk god bless ya some in minute shall strike her
try jazz can them holla, red ant, cant them holla
cant holla cavalier, mourning guard - after nerds met
ya are made up meet live bed off Zack's head
ya canned her rest urn now nah dough end the follow up
my background has musk in genome adorable milker granted
what can fall ya for vantage
hawk ya arent them holla, cant them re-dawn
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. hiiilarious.
and this is what it really means..
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?"
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
(They will say: 'How his hair is growing thin!")
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin--
(They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!")
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
something a little, euh, rough
she hears
but only to listen to her thoughts
so what does that give her
but an earful of ego
oh to be young and evil
for not listening to the world around us should be a crime
but with time, we age and we grow wise
they say hearing goes with age
and maybe then then
the silence will never have been so loud
because I believe listening increases
we learn to look at sounds and swallow the words
we owe our life to sound
mehhhhh....i gotta keep writin
Thursday, January 8, 2009
something i wrote.....
etched in stone
64 letter b
the code of my most favorite memory
of we
and dont you wish that could be your life on repeat
it can not be erased
perhaps written over but never destroyed
and id pack up
fly by night to you
picked up the stone
and i thought i was moving it
but it moved me
to tears
in sudden realization of everything that has transpired
but the stone is for the memory
and life is for living
and i cant keep holding on to feelings already given
dollars already spent
paid in full
but i appreciated the purchase
now its time to try on something new
something old
something borrowed
something blue
so ...im trying this road again
but at the end of the aisle
will stand a different me
learning to unlove you
etched in store
64 letter b
the code of my most favorite memory
of we
i know i wish that could be our life on repeat
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
everyone's talking about this thing called change....
soooooooo, in the spirit of change, here's my first blog post!
well. its not really my first, but its my first one that I've actually posted, instead of saving it as a draft.
They say you cant expect change if you keep doing the same things.
So, I am trying something new, with a little encouragement from a wise ol friend of mine who has an AWESOME blog....(itsmykeb.blogspot.com)
I probably wont write much at first...Im a little hesitant about sharing all of this with any and everyone who can see this, but that is something that I need to move past, but umm, Im a baby steps kinda girl.
But, I want to talk about some things I've been thinking about recently...surrounding, well, change. What a koinkydink!
I'm at a place now where everything is transitioning, and it hurts a little to see solid roads disintegrate into smaller peices of gravel, but I realize that's what happens when they're well traveled.
Now I didnt make any New Year's resolutions, but something I always work on is not dwelling on the past. There are many people that I care for and always will, but I am realizing that maybe the high contact period of our relationship is over. And Im learning that part of this transition is saying, thats okay. For a time, I felt like I was doing a lot of upkeep with some people, and with no reciprocation on their part, for whatever reason. But now, I am moving on and accepting the transitions in life. Because its just whats hapenning!
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